Speaker of Parliament Michael Palmer's Affair ? My thoughts ...

Dad doesn?t like me to talk about politics, even if it is about Malaysia, so if he requests, the post will be removed.?

If you don?t know recently ?People?s Action Party, Speaker of Parliament Michael Palmer, 44, yesterday announced his resignation after admitting to party leaders on Saturday that he had an affair with a People?s Association employee- Ms Laura Ong, a constituency director of Pasir Ris West Constituency Office.

In my post I am not going to give the usual typical comments ?All men are horny?, ?All men will cheat? ?because that is very disrespectful and stereotyping. Just like I don?t like people to say ?All women go for money/status?.

Instead, I shall focus on the following issues ? Why I feel it is a good move to remove Michael Palmer from his position? What motivates powerful men to risk it all and cheat? Why cheat despite trophy wives? How do women and men perceive cheating?

Mr Palmer and his wife

This is not very uncommon. There have always been cases where the powerful+famous have been caught for cheating?

President Clinton in 1997 with his affair with Lewinsky; Mayor of New York City Rudy in 1999, an affair while he was married; Governor McGreevey of New Jersey cheated with a man in 2000; New York Governor Spitzer cheated with an escort in 2008; Governor Sanford of South Carolina cheated on his wife in 2009; Senator John Edwards in 2007 and professional golfer Tiger Woods in 2009.

In Singapore, very recently, we also had the NG BOON GAY + Cecilia Sue incident.

Ms Laura Ong

?1) Why I feel it is a good move to remove Michael Palmer from his position?

Some have commented that sacking was too harsh as there are more important qualities for politicians than whether or not he can be a good husband.

I think that comment is very valid because we don?t sack IT professionals, accountants, doctors etc for committing affairs but are harsher against politicians because they are public figures. It is definitely true that factors like sex drive, cheating tendencies has nothing to do with performance.

However, I think this move is very necessary+correct on several levels:

1) In Asian societies, people don?t just respect a leader for this ability but also for his virtue/ethics.

This is even more so in the context of the public service where ETHICS- doing the right thing, is seen as an important traits. Many MPs who are highly popular are so because of their perceived kindness etc and not because of their ability.

People tend to draw such inferences?If he cannot be ethical in his own personal life, he cannot be ethical in the workplace as well?.

Politicians in Singapore are expected to uphold the shared values we have as a nation. In this case, Palmer violated ?Nation before community and society above self: Putting the interests of society ahead of the individual? and ?Family as the basic unit of society: The family is identified as the most stable fundamental building block of the nation?

Mr Palmer and his Wife, by: Asian Tatler

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2) PAP has been getting less popular as can be seen from the previous election results in 2011

If Palmer does not quit, this may worsen because most Singaporeans are still very conservative and ?traditional asians?. Furthermore, keeping him will be something that is extremely hard to justify.

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3) In doing so, we preserve our values as a nation

It has always been the case?whereby?if a political figure cheats, he automatically resigns or is removed from his position.

In doing so, I think this somewhat helps to deter others from?commuting?adultery. One would think ?wah see the consequences so jia lat, don?t do liao?

In a sense, sacking gives a clear direct message to Singaporeans ?This is not something we support and believe is wrong and disappointing?.

Imagine what will happen if nothing is done to those who cheated?

Dianne palmer

2) What motivates powerful men to cheat and risk their reputation, career etc in the process?

A. Illusion of Increased Virility + Attractiveness

Based on Askmen, which by the way I feel is?indisputably?has one of the best relationship guides, Men think they?re gaining an illusion of virility, beauty, and youth as well as social status when they can cavort with a younger mistress.?Nothing lifts the old self-esteem like discovering that other women still desire you sexually. When in long-term relationships + the?emasculating?feeling of ageing (losing physical attractiveness), men may begin to question their sexual marketability, which will lead some of them to sow their clandestine wild seeds.

PSYCHOLOGY TODAY also proves the above point on validation

One major factor that makes affairs popular is common dependence on getting a positive reflected sense of self from the people around us, the clothes we wear, the house we live in, and the car we drive. We light up when someone finds us attractive or thinks we?re special. We feel desirable because someone desires us, and we often spend our days (and nights) trying to find someone to validate us.

When other-validated intimacy fades in marriage, as it inevitably does, many people turn to affairs to pump themselves up, regardless of wealth or status. This surprises us because we expect famous accomplished people to believe in themselves before or after they ?made it.? But many are painfully insecure despite their success, and need constant validation, adoration, and limelight. This combination of insecurity and grandiosity is the downfall of many ?stars.?

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B. The illusion of invulnerability:?They think they won?t get caught. They also assume that even if they do get caught, they won?t get in trouble because they have the resources to cover it up.

C. Ample opportunities for temptation: Powerful men have a higher market value than those with lesser power. Wealth, fame and status are attractive and iressistable to many women. ?In other words, it?s easy for these men to find willing sex partners.

D. Adrenaline dependency: Many powerful men have positions that require a lot of responsibility and authority. They perform well under high stress, and they continually need and enjoy excitement or challenges to drive them forward. An affair gives them the same type of exhilaration in their private life. Sometimes, the fear of being caught can act as an ideal adrenaline charge for the risk junkie.

E. Idolization ?>?Narcissism?and Egocentricness: Powerful men tend to be surrounded by people who protect them, idolize them and even ?enable? their vices in order to remain inside their influential orbit. Being surrounded by people who don?t necessarily challenge your decisions or give you honest feedback about yourself is bound to have an effect on your ego, self-image and your sense of propriety and limits.

F. Typical reasons like novelty- ?Boredom and relationship ruts are common reasons couples cite for infidelity. They can be unhappy with their lives in general or dissatisfied in their relationship. An affair can be a passive aggressive way to deal with things especially if one party is conflict avoidant and does not wish to raise this issue.

After 25 years of marriage, if both spouses don?t make an effort to keep the intimacy, freshness and fun alive, it?s not at all unusual for a married couple to get into a relationship rut.

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3) Why do young women want to risk their reputation by associating with powerful men?

In the perception of the young women, who also risk their reputation to cheat with a powerful man. I would believe that it is due to the vestigial fantasy of the more powerful+older man who they feel will give them increased power, ?status or take care of them like a sugar daddy.

The affair can also help them look good in front of their friends. They use their mixed-power flings as social trophies/conversation pieces. There?s always the lure of the juicy story to tell their girlfriends.

The point on power is important. Women think they?re gaining an illusion of status when they pursue these relationships. By associating themselves with an elite, they feel an increased power.

However, in such instances, ?there is a POWER PARADOX because most of the time, they look abased or self-trivializing instead. The arrangement broadcasts to the world: ?Don?t take me seriously?. This is so powerful that even if the woman herself has accomplishments and achievements of her own, no one takes her seriously if she were to make such an error.

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3) Why do people cheat despite trophy wives?

I think this is very much due to the reasons on why people even want trophy wives in the first place.

There is something called ??the trophy wife syndrome.? Greater than half of the men with means, status, power or fame typically pursue trophy wives.

Why? There exists a desire to get ?egotistical revenge? on all of those men and women who doubted them, underestimated them or rejected them before. It goes like this ??Oh ? so you perceived me as dating nothing but ugly chicks before I made it, huh? LOOK AT ME NOW! My wife is a swimsuit model, has a masters degree and is rich! Take that!!?

And then problem sets in when your dream girl becomes REAL. These human female ?trophies,? after a while, begin to lose their appeal. The novelty of capturing the prom queen, Playboy centerfold, or sexy valedictorian wears off.

If a relationship between a man and a woman is not built on genuine friendship and true love, you can forget about it. That highly driven, very successful guy is going to cheat on his trophy wife. This is guaranteed.

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4) How do men and women react differently to cheating?

Barry X. Kuhle, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Scranton did a study on this:

?Relative to women, men are more distressed by sexual infidelity, and

women are more upset over emotional infidelity, relative to men,?

Men, Kuhle says, focus more on the sexual aspects of infidelity, asking unfaithful partners questions like ?Was she/he better in bed than me?? and ?How many times did you have sex with him/her??. Women, on the other hand, are more troubled by the emotional side of cheating, asking ?Who do you love more??, ?Who is prettier??

You can view this clip on Closer where Clive Owen confronts Julia Roberts:

Here are one of the rare times I use vulgarities on my blog to reiterate what the clip is about

He asked ?Is he a good fuck??, ?Better than me??, ?Did you do it here (His place)??, ?Did you think of me??, ?did you cum??, ?How many times??, ?How??, ?What does he taste like??

Girl: Why is the sex so important?

Guy: Because I am a fucking cave man! (LOL)

And he only asked once ?Did you ever love me??

Anyway, my favourite line in this whole dialogue is ? ?He tastes like you, only sweeter? which also happens to be from one of my favourite songs ? Thanks for the Memories by FallOut Boy

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The study was published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences.

Kuhle, an evolutionary psychologist, explains that the fear of cuckoldry could be why men and women respond differently to cheating?

?Modern men have inherited an evolved wisdom from a long line of ancestral men who could never be 100% certain that a child was actually theirs,? he explains.

In other words, men were, and still are, afraid of being tricked into raising a child that isn?t theirs and are therefore more concerned with the sexual side of cheating rather than the emotional side.

As women don?t share this concern, they worry more about the love, time, and attention their partner is lavishing on another person. I suspect that this could be linked to the fear of their man not wanting to provide for them+family anymore but rather the other woman.

In conclusions, here are some traits one can avoid in future partners to reduce probability of cheating ? Conflict avoidance, thrill seekers, egoistical people, people with poor self-control, a relationship based on superficial reasons, and the list goes on.

Gonna go for my dinner date now. Will update more soon

Source: http://www.myfatpocket.com/jeraldinephneah/2012/12/13/speaker-of-parliament-micheal-palmers-affair-my-thoughts/

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